Monday, December 24, 2007

A Christmas less ordinary

In the past few days, after awakening myself from the flu, I spent most of my days and nights alone living in what appeared to be a recreation in my mind of my past. Set forth both consciously and unconsciously through efforts spearheaded by my yearning mind, I found myself rediscovering certain avenues of my not too distant past.

It was surreal, but I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me or better yet, emotions taking the upper hand over my rational thinking.

For the past few days, it seemed that time was halted, but obviously time was moving forward as it had always been. Maybe I wanted time to stop. Perhaps I wanted to go back in time. I succeeded, but like I said, it was just all in my head. Reality finally re-emerged fully today and that's when I realized I can't stop time and no matter what or how hard I can try, I can't go back in time either and live in it.

Today also sunk in the fact that I'm not in Texas. I never really did make it out to my flight. To differ from what everyone might have assumed, I didn't at all make that trip to Seattle to catch what was suppose to be my flight down to San Antonio. (Thank goodness being a member of United Airlines Mileage Plus program lets me receive a refund for my missed flight). I told my parents and everyone that I wouldn't be able to make it down there to spend the holidays with them. My family protested my decision, my dad was caught off guard and my mom was terribly upset but like always, they came to understood me. I greatly apologized to them. I felt bad but this was my first holiday season ever where I just simply cannot get myself into the holiday spirit and wanted to escape it.

I prefer being alone this holiday season because there's just too much to reflect upon and I definitely need the space, even if my bubble requires a 300+ miles radius. Sorry if you're reading this and realizing how depressing it is. In all honesty, I'm not depressed at all. Perhaps a little sad, but I really do need to be alone and I've always realized that being alone allows me to think much more clearer and acquire a better perspective on things.

I value my thoughts and at this very moment, I need to think. I know later in life, when I look back to this very Christmas, I'm gonna think how shitty it turned out to be because for the first time in my life, I'm leaving my friends and family out of it. But seriously, the past few days was really confusing and I really need to sort my thinking out. I'll be okay, trust me.



Merry Xmas everyone.

5 comments:

Barbie said...

Well yes... everything will be fine, m pretty sure. (^,^) Don't cry becuz it's gone, SMILE becuz it happened la.... (^,^)! When sth bad happen, there will be sth good sooner later, this is our circle of life, yes???

Well, I send you and other bloggers a Christmas present on ma blog. Sth simple, go and check it!

Cheeze!!!
Barbie(^,^)

jfo said...

i'm veryyy surprised your not in texas, but anyway, hope you have a merry christmas!

d y l a n t o u c h said...

barbie,
thanks! ^^

---------------

j-fo,
yup, still here in pullman.

mcmug said...

McMug says "Merry Belated Christmas!"

d y l a n t o u c h said...

mcmug,
thank u!
McDylan says "Merry Belated Xmas to u as well!"