Saturday, May 26, 2007

Summer day blues

Today, I ended up getting off of work early. I think while at work, I just felt that I wasn't really in-tuned to working and my mind kept on drifting and leaping from place to place. There was a point in which I actually just went to the office and just sat there. It could be just my lack of sleep or it could be something. Perhaps a combination of things. I guess for me, I end up thinking way too much sometimes and in doing so, a lot of energy is drained out of me. My boss said it was okay for me to take the rest of the day off. As I was driving towards home, I decided to not go home, but instead, take the exit and drive out of town. And that's what happened. I ended up driving 150 miles away from Pullman.

I guess today is much or less, just one of those days....in which someone who really isn't there with you anymore, sort of left this feeling inside of you...one that never fails to find you on one of these types of days. And you think to yourself, "how come I'm feeling this way?" when you know the other person probably doesn't even hardly think much of you and have already moved on with their life. Their least concern is you. While for you, their essence still gently haunts you. I guess for me, I'm trying to move on too but I feel like I'm just stuck in a moment that I can't get out of,..as if time and space is suspended. I just wish it wouldn't have to be that way. I wish things between me and her would have worked out because right now, I feel like not only did I lose a relationship,...but I also lost a friendship. I feel like I lost my best friend.

*sigh*

Anyway,
snap out of it Dylan,...you've got a dinner to host!...

8 comments:

cranky chihuahua girl said...

dylan-- this is connie.
i dont get you. you have friends that support you, including your awesome roomate. no matter how imperfect you are, we still are here for you. yet, your mind only runs off with hoping you can get her back the way it used to be. neither of you are happy, dylan. you didn't loose her as a friend because she always runs back as a friend, yet you don't let it. don't forget that. don't forget your friends and second chances. but for godsake, dylan! that doesn't mean you can do the same all over again. whatever's feeling inside you, it's all in your head, mr. dylan touch. don't make this so hard or dramatic. life is more simple than it seems. yeah, i agree snap out of it brown boy. and take responsiblity.

connie said...

and everyone knows duh, noone's perfect. so what.

Shirley said...

It is all internal, so take every necessary step to bring yourself to the end. It's hard, but I hope you'll take good care of yourself. :]

d y l a n t o u c h said...

connie,
yes...i know..i know... i gotta snap out of it. it just happens that some random days, right out of the blue...all of it just strikes me with a sudden blow and i feel knocked down towards a corner. but i'm ok though.
:)

----------
shirley,
i understand. it takes time. thanks!
:)

Anonymous said...

i completely know how you feel and was there about a year ago. sometimes it's just about recognizing that whatever happened, happened for a reason and as much you think about those times, you're missing out on right now. so let go, focus on now and what's to come =)

d y l a n t o u c h said...

anonymous,
i definitely try that. but you can't help but hope and i guess it also hurts that as each day goes by, that hope either begins make or break. i always beleive in second chances but sometimes i think...certain things aren't offered one. i know that i am trying to live my own life and focus on now & what's to come,...but when something that lives in you, doesn't move out,...you tend to visit it in you once in a while.
:)

tokyo rose said...

i think it's possible to sometimes feel nostalgic while still moving on with your life. people who were once important to you will always be a part of you. it doesn't have to mean anything more than that. i wanna bet she sometimes thinks of you as well...

d y l a n t o u c h said...

tokyo rose,
i hope so i guess....sometimes i get the feel that she doesn't and if she doesn't, does it really matter anymore?
:)