Thursday, May 24, 2007

Burned by love?

It is proof positive that heartbreak is nearly universal human experience, searing into virtually every living heart the humbling trauma of romantic loss, almost as if it's an essential part of our development, an upside down "coup de grace". Suffering after all, is the first spark of enlightenment.

Even loves that last can rake us over the coals, and fast-burning passions can destroy precisely what they inspire.

For me, I've been burned by love at least twice. The first time, I was crushed. I didn't know that the girl I was with, actually had a fiance back in Japan. I found out when it was too late and too little to do. I felt robbed, used, and deceived. The relationship lasted about a little over a year but i spent the last week and a half with her under a false sense of intimacy, but it was the first time I had really been hooked and filleted. Each of us went our separate ways in the same fast and intense way that we found each other.

The second time, in another relationship...it was a bit more complicated. There are ups and downs to falling in love with your best friend. Romantic love has a way of making itself superior to other feelings, but we all know that's not always true, and the bond of friendship is sometimes more valuable than the shallow sizzling of newfound love. The rash type may be ready to sacrifice one for the other…to confess your love to your best buddy and risk losing her forever…while the romantics will nurture that hidden love and hope it'll one day evaporate, or even better, that it'll be melded into the vein of everlasting friendship. Simply, we can risk losing a best friend by revealing our true feelings for this person or just maintain a platonic relationship while suppressing your desire inside. In this relationship, it was me who wanted more than just being best friends. Over time, my feelings for her grew. I was ready to go towards the next level, but she wasn't. Somehow we ended up being in a relationship, but even in the relationship, she treated me more like a best friend than a boyfriend for the most part.

I realized that with a bestfriend...it can be that in a relationship...she never fell in love, it was only the company of a best friend that she ever really wanted and needed and she only was pressured into being in a relationship with me so that my feelings wouldn't be hurt. And for me...I simply never fell out of love.

2 comments:

jolene; said...

this was a lovely entry, albeit heartbreaking.

i got here through ricebowl. bookedmarked you; i like the way you write! :)

d y l a n t o u c h said...

jolene,
hey jolene, thanks for coming onto my blog and taking the time to read it and also thanks for the bookmark!
:)