Wednesday, June 13, 2007

A letter from a time ago

For the past couple of days, I've been slowly cleaning up & packing things here and there at the home. The reason is that when both me and my room mate return from Seattle in mid-August, we both have to move out from our current place and into our new place.

As I was cleaning out and boxing up belongings in my bedroom, I stumbled upon my old biochemistry 303 notebook from Fall 2006 semester here at Washington State University. When I opened it up to look over my past exams, I realized that I stuck a letter in there that originated from the beginning of the school year. It's actually a letter with very nice handwriting that's written on notebook paper which was folded twice. I still to this day I don't have the slightest clue as to why I decided to keep it but,...I may do now, but for the longest time...I ended up keeping it anyways.

The first time I read it, I had this horrible build up of anxiety and finally when I reached one line of that letter...

...my whole world just somehow came crashing down upon me. I was just in disbelief. I felt this slow calming of myself as if everything around me went silent and I was traveling 1,000 miles an hour in my mind. You begin to start getting that choking feeling. Finally, it's when you slowly exhale...you feel something inside you have just shattered. And that's when you pick up your senses and realized that you have become broken.

I think the reason why I kept it was to compare it with the future and one day perhaps come to an understanding that everything in existence in this world, present and future...proved that the letter to be false & just an imaginary inanimate object.

There had been a few times in which I've somehow managed to re-read the letter a couple of months ago and I think every time I finished reading the last word, I admit that I slightly become teary-eyed. And yes, today...after reading it...I couldn't help but begin to choke up and a part of my eyes became a little misty.

But this was for the last time. I later finally tore it up and threw it away...

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

entering your page, half filled with curorsity and half filled with anxiety

hoping the pain from it can close it down as i click on the x icon, releasing the naked mind that kept me laying there

i am just a shadow of the past

Anonymous said...

you got that right! yeah!!!
good job brown boy ;)

Vicki said...

It was reading for my English class. T_T

d y l a n t o u c h said...

anonymous #1,
...i don't know what to say..except that pain doesn't go away so easily. especially when it involves someone who you have extreme emotional and physical attachments with. when someone finally gives up on you and you haven't given up on that person...and you find yourself begging for that person to take you back. it hurts. it doesn't feel good to be rejected, denied & blamed.
:(
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anonymous #2,
i had to do what i had to do. it's simple.
:)
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vicki,
eww...english class! i know what u meant about in your blog post. i somewhat agree with you.
:)

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anonymous

Anthony said...

what anonymous #2 said. GO KUMAR! seriously, good stuff man. Memories will come back here and there, but the major step is done.

d y l a n t o u c h said...

anthony,
yeah...
:)

Anonymous said...

in regards to anonymous #1: or so if you think. What about the other side of the story? We all know that it takes two sides of a story to complete for a trial.

-Possibly anonymous #3

d y l a n t o u c h said...

Anonymous #3,
I think everything was actually my fault. I pressured her to stay in the relationship & we both did things that drove each other crazy. I had the cues & signals from her but chose to not face them or simply I just didn't want to accept them. We simply were both at different levels. She just wanted a bestfriend while I wanted a girlfriend. She loved my company while I loved her. She fell out of love while I still clung onto hope and never fell out. But there were always days in which none of that seemed to have mattered b/c it seemed as if she did wanted to be in a relationship with me & that she wanted to stay and have a future. It was during those types of days that held me to her and made me never wanna let go...

Anonymous said...

to anonymous #1 and #3...

you mentioned "What about the other side of the story? We all know that it takes two sides of a story to complete for a trial."

If we knew the other side of the story, we will find out how one-sided it is. People will just start getting pissed off about why this guy withstand so much. It was a lose cause because relationships require a one way street. Apparently, Dylan was driving by himself on this street, and his ex gf was going the wrong direction in a semi.

Anonymous said...

sorry, i wrote this fast. "withstood" and it's a "two-way street"

Anonymous said...

what the fuck man. remember i told you man, it aint no one's fault. i lied: it most likely aint a single person's fault. so stop saying it just you, youre not specail. ;)

Anonymous said...

two sided story is it was just two dodos never meant to be for eachother.